Victim of crime
David Brown and Guy Prichard

I knew something was missing as I got down to the street
I saw my car door window in pieces on the seat
I looked in at my dashboard - one unholy mess
Innards and entrails - I was a wireless – less

I was a victim, a victim of crime
It’s playing crimmie music
When it should be playing mine
But if I ever get my hands on
That thieving, charmless swine
He’s going to be a victim, a victim of crime

I got back to my apartment I knew something was wrong
My lifeline CD collection - well, there it was – gone
They must have had a trailer because they took the lot
Everything from Asleep at the wheel - Right through to ZZ Top

I was a victim, a victim of crime
Someone else is smirking
Along to my John Prine
But if I ever get my hands on
That thieving, charmless swine
He’s going to be a victim, a victim of crime

Life’s an open prison - can’t trust nobody
That is all I’m left with – and you can take it from me

Then I got this letter in a pink envelope
Saying you and Raymond Baxter had decided to elope
You say I would have liked him - the screw turned by degrees
It seems we share the very same Collection of CD’s

I was a victim, a victim of crime
Someone else is pressing the flesh
That should be pressing mine!
But if I ever get my hands on
That loathsome ball of slime
He’s going to be a victim, a victim of crime.